Parenting at 40

We attend a small group as part of our church. We are all around the same age (late 30s/early 40s). Every week, most of the group members are figuring out how they are going to pick their kids up from youth group and get them back home. I am chasing around a 14 month old who is completely jazzed to be around so many people (and who is frustrated because I won't let him go explore someone else's home!).

I have friends and family members around my age who are grandparents already. My husband and I became a great aunt and uncle (a few times over!) before becoming parents. In fact, all of our nieces and nephews on his side of the family minus one either have kids or are expecting.

That has the potential to make me feel very, very old.

And there's really not a whole lot out there on the Interwebz about parenting small kids at our age. Plenty on getting pregnant (should you/shouldn't you; what are your chances of conceiving; celebrities who had their first baby at 50; all that good stuff!) - but not a whole lot on what happens after the baby is born.

Here's the thing, though: I honestly wouldn't have it any other way! Since before getting married (and we married young - we were about a month shy of turning 22!), we have always sort of felt that foster/adoption was going to be our path.

"But don't you want children of your own?"

Well, as far as I know, Baby G is my own! Well, not officially yet. Working with the state is a slow process. But I'm the one he calls "mama." I'm the one who is waking up with him at least once a night during this wonderful stage of life called teething. We feed him. We provide for his basic needs, and love him and get smothered with hugs and kisses from him on a daily basis. Pretty sure that qualifies as "our own."

"No, I mean, don't you want to experience pregnancy, and have a little piece of you and your husband that you brought into the world?"

In a word, no. I have never had this deep desire to be pregnant (I am terrified of puking, and no "I was healthy throughout my entire pregnancy" story can convince me! The thought of labor really doesn't thrill me, either!). We have never felt this need to procreate. Many moons ago, when we talked about all the stuff that engaged couples talk about, we agreed that there are so many kids out there who need a home, that we would rather provide that home to a couple of them.

I certainly would have been happy had I gotten pregnant at any point (maybe not ecstatic - see also: aversion to puking and labor!), but we have always wanted a family.

The timing of this has been pretty darn (almost, you know - sovereignly!) perfect. When we felt that we were being called away from our job as children's pastors to start a nonprofit in Duluth, we were ready to pack up and leave that minute. But we felt God saying, "Wait." We waited another year, continued to serve the church we were at, and then moved. It took us forever to find a church home, and when we finally picked our church (the very last church on our list - the one we said we weren't even going to attend, but when we got there, found that the community was exactly what we were looking for, even if we aren't 100% on board as far as a few secondary theological issues!), it just so happened that they were having an informational meeting on foster care the same day we decided to apply for membership!

The process was much quicker than we were told it would be (two months from start to finish, as opposed to 3-4), and just two days after we finished our licensing requirements, we got "the call." The one that changed our lives forever.

Does it freak us out a little bit that we will be almost 60 when he graduates from high school? Kind of, which is why we have started to become more conscious of our health and fitness. Does it feel a little bit lonely to be just starting the parenting journey when so many people our age are nearing the end of theirs? At times, but I never wanted to be a parent in my 20s. What about the risk of doing foster/adopt? Yes, I suppose there is. Isn't all parenting a risk, though? Do biological parents love their children any less because "something could happen"? Of course not!

What I have learned through our journey to parenthood is this: Everyone's story is unique. Whether they chose to wait until 40 to become parents, or whether that is just how life worked out for them, just be happy for them. If someone married later in life and due to their health (or whatever!) chooses not to have children, then be happy for them. If they are excellent "parents" to their pit bulls and are content with that, be happy for them. If they had one child at 20-21 who is now graduating, and they really don't see themselves having more...you guessed it! Be happy for them.

On the day after the "March for Life," let's consider how we can carry that pro-life ethic beyond just "all babies want to get borned." Celebrate both the teen mom and the "first time mom at 40." And everyone in between. Celebrate with them wherever they are in life, and offer to lend a hand or advice when appropriate. We have been extremely blessed by supportive family members who rallied to help us get ready in the two days we had before the little guy came (the comfy reclining chair from my brother and sister in law is literally the best gift we could have received - he will simply not be comforted on any other piece of furniture!), and from family friends who continue to pick up things at thrift stores and garage sales that he might like or need.

Your turn: When did YOU become a parent for the first time? What were some of your challenges, and how did people help (or not!)?

To new beginnings...

Welcome to my (new) little corner of the world!

I have always been a fan of Carole King's Tapestry album, other than the song, "Where You Lead," which is ironic, since I am one of those crazy Gilmore Girls fans who waited impatiently for the revival in November and then watched the whole thing that day. As a child of the 80s, my Carole King fandom does not quite fit, but there are a lot of things about me that don't quite fit. I am learning to be okay with that.

I would like to say that I am starting a new blog because I have some sort of fresh insight or focus, but the truth is, I completely blanked on the password to my old blog. So I am starting fresh. I named it "Tapestry" partially as a tribute to Ms. King, but also because most of my blogging tends to be a conglomeration of whatever is on my mind. Sort of like...a tapestry. Sometimes the back side that shows all the mistakes and looks completely chaotic; sometimes (very occasionally!) a glimpse of the ordered, well-organized side available for public viewing.

So, who am I?

First and foremost, a child of God.

Then, I am a wife. Mom. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Program Director for a nonprofit.

Sometimes I like to write about deep, spiritual things - stuff that God is teaching me.

Other times, I write about parenthood (more specifically, foster parenting and the foster to adopt process) and how cute our little 14 month old guy is. We are going through a rough "season," better known as teething, in which he wakes up whimpering 1-2 times per night. I have been up since about 5:15 am this morning. The kid, of course, is fast asleep again!

Sometimes you will hear my random thoughts on pop culture, politics (very rarely!), coffee, my health/fitness journey, book reviews, etc.

My tapestry is clearly quite comfortable.

So welcome! Grab some coffee and a snack and join me. Maybe we will even somehow piece together a book out of this mess.